Have you ever noticed how the moment someone steps back, your instinct is to run after them?
It’s almost as if distance makes the heart grow desperate. You’re not alone in this. Many people
find themselves chasing love, attention, or validation when it feels just out of reach. But why
does the mind work this way?
When someone withdraws, our brain interprets it as a loss of safety. That threat activates old
survival wiring: fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being left behind. Instead of
calming us, the distance sparks a dopamine rush — the very chemical that fuels desire. In other
words, the more uncertain love feels, the more addictive it becomes.
This isn’t just about the present. Psychology shows us that patterns often trace back to early
attachment experiences. If love in childhood was inconsistent, sometimes warm, sometimes
absent, the nervous system learns to cling harder when it senses a gap. As adults, that same
pattern can show up in our relationships: chasing harder, hoping this time the love won’t slip
away.
But here’s the twist: most of the time, we’re not truly chasing the person. We’re chasing the
comfort we never fully received in the past. It feels personal, but it’s deeply primal.
The real turning point comes with awareness. When you recognize the chase for what it is, not a
flaw but a survival response, you gain the power to pause. To ask yourself: Am I chasing this
person, or am I chasing an old wound?
Healthy love doesn’t make you run marathons for scraps of closeness. It walks beside you,
steady and secure. The more we understand our patterns, the less we need to chase and the
more we can choose connections that feel safe enough to stay.